1 Way to Get Through a Random Panic Attack

Hello there.

I hope your day is going well so far and it keeps getting better.

Maybe your coffee was just right, your hair was coiffed to perfection, and nobody peed in your Wheaties this morning.

If not, well then I hope things turn around and you get through it quickly because it really sucks to get stuck down in that hole. I know because I’ve been there with you.

With that being said, if you don’t mind, I’m going to tell you about a little thing that happened to me today.

First, let me set the scene…

It’s about 3:00 pm and I’m sitting on the couch working away on my laptop.

Comfy clothes on, smell of cinnamon coffee in the air, the purring sounds of happy kitties surrounding me.

I’ve just finished a big project and it’s like a weight off my shoulders. I’m really happy about that.

I’m deep into my next section and it’s going great.

Uh oh — wait. Something doesn’t feel quite right.

Let me see — coffee (check), M&M’s (check), kitties (check and check).

Okay….

Gosh, I can’t remember what I was just thinking about. Damn! Have to go back and read what I just wrote. Can’t concentrate.

Good Lord, it’s so hot in here! I need to turn the ceiling fan on high.

My heart is beating so fast I can feel it pounding in my throat. Something heavy is sitting on my chest (and it’s not my 17lb cat).

Is my bra on too tight? Because it feels like I’m getting a bear hug and it’s squeezing so much it hurts. Nope, I’m not even wearing a bra?! What? Wait!

Okay — just back up a minute! Can’t focus. Why am I on my laptop? What was I doing? My mind is spinning.

I can’t figure out what exactly I should be doing.

It feels like I’m in a fog and things are coming at me too fast.

Noises are too sharp — too loud; lights are too bright; thoughts are too quick.

I’m breathing way too fast. Can’t sit still — jittery.

Oh no, here comes that lump in my throat and the stuffy nose. That only means one thing — I’m going to cry.

I feel all the tears coming and I can’t do anything about it.

Don’t know why, but they’re on the way.

Aaaaaand here they are.

I’m a mess, what is wrong with me?

Something’s not right about me and I don’t know what it is.

That only makes me feel worse — like I’m lost and don’t even know my own mind.

I feel broken.

I’m all of a sudden so scared of what – I don’t know and I can’t explain it.

I’m beyond sad. It’s a physical pain in my chest.

Wait, wait, wait, wait! I know what this is.

I’m having another random panic attack.

“Okay — take a deep breath. Gotta get up, move, get out of this room.”

I head to my bedroom — my calm, quiet, soft, safe space.

My husband is now awake and sees that I’m upset.

When he asks me why I’m crying, I blubber out, “I don’t know”, which he thankfully understands means I’m having a panic attack.

I climb right into bed and curl up under the covers.

Aaah, this feels good – soft and safe.

But, I’m still in the grips of my panic attack. It’s got ahold of me good.

My husband comes in the room to check on me.

He knows enough to ask a few questions, but not pressure me into talking when I don’t want to — when I can’t because it won’t make any sense anyway.

The words are scrambled in my head and just don’t come out right.

He does, however, tell me that I’m tapping myself repeatedly on the forehead.

Hmmm…okay. Well, thanks for pointing that out to me because I didn’t know I was doing that.

BUT, it’s almost like I can’t or don’t want to stop. It’s soothing — calming in a sense. Do you know what I mean?

I’m not beating the hell out of myself, so he just lets that one go and leaves the room to let me work myself out.

*Side note – Repetitive movements during stress or anxiety, are common in people diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Which, hello, that’s me. Good to know.

I have to get more control of my mind, my breathing.

I need to meditate.

I grab my phone and turn on the 10 minute Panic SOS Meditation in the Calm App.

The tapping subsides.

Following along to the soothing voice of Tamara Levitt helps me, once again, gain control of my breathing and quiet my mind.

Shout out to Tamara and all of you awesome people at Calm.

No, this is not a paid advertisement for the Calm App. I really do use it every single day and have for the past 3 and a half years.

If you’ve used it, let me know what you think. Especially the 10 minute Panic SOS Meditation.

Now that the panic attack has passed, I’m mentally and emotionally drained. I turn on the Calm app again and take a nap.

I often use meditations to fall asleep to.

For naps, I usually listen to music, soundscapes, or meditations.

But every night I listen to a sleep story. They’re great.

The only problem is that it works so well I don’t usually hear the ending — leaving me hanging.

Thankfully, when I wake up about an hour later, I feel centered and refreshed with just a slight tingling sensation in the back of my mind, almost like a tickle.

I’m breathing normally and can concentrate on my work again.

Panic attacks are no joke.

Although, they’re often made out to be.

If you’ve ever had one, you know what I’m talking about.

If you know of anyone that has them, please be patient and kind.

If any of this sounds familiar to you, let me know.

When you have a panic attack you often feel all alone, like nobody understands.

It’s nice to be reminded that it’s not the case; to be validated.

So, may a ray of sunshine light your way to help you see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Like Mom always said “this too shall pass”.

And, even though it may not feel like it — breathe — you will get through it, my friend.